The next thing I know I'm watching the mini van run over a shovel that was laying face up in the right lane, thereby tossing it into the windshield of the Tahoe. Only...it didn't go through the windshield. Thanks to Jesus, the flat side of the shovel had hit the windshield, and due to g-forces, or Newton's laws, or whatever, the shovel decided to use the still intact windshield as a slingshot of sorts.
The shovel, no joke, went flying at least 70 ft straight up into the air, handle separating from rapidly rotating metal shovel on the way up. As I'm staring at the shovel, seemingly frozen at the apex of it's flight, (we're in slow-mo vision here) I wonder: "I'm about to be under that thing. Is it going to land on the hood of my car? Or come through the windshield? I really don't want to be decapitated. Perhaps slamming of the breaks would be required at this point."
So...I did that. Slam on the breaks, that is. Though, it turns out, I didn't really need to. The handle ended up landing in the right shoulder and the rapidly spinning in the air shovel landed in the left shoulder. I drove past it a half second later, watching it bounce as I passed by.
The whole thing probably took 5 seconds. Shovel hit by minivan. One. Shovel hits Tahoe. One and a half. Shovel goes flying. Two. Three. Quick decision- BRAKES! Four. Shovel hits ground. Five.
When I drove by the slowing Tahoe, both people in the front seats were okay, they looked freaked out, their windshield was intact, but the entire thing was spiderweb cracked. Like I'm not sure how the driver was seeing through it cracked.
Anyway. Everyone was lucky. No decapitations. Shovel pieces landing not on the road.
Stupid mini-van. How do you not see a giant shovel in the middle of your lane? He was probably on his cell phone. Yes, HE.
AND! HE didn't even slow down or realize that he had sent a guillotine flying at someone's vehicle. MORON, I tell you. MORON.
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