Another turtle

I was doing dishes yesterday, when I looked out the kitchen window and saw this massive turtle crawling across the front yard. Mom and I went out to inspect and we both came to the conclusion that this was the ugliest turtle we had ever seen. Not that it mattered, because his size and the "I'll bite your hand off if you get near me" look on his face instantly made him cool. I went and got my camera to take some pictures and he put his head as low to the ground as he could, as if to say, "The lower I get, the less you can see me." He never full on retracted into his shell though, which suggests to me that either: (a)he's a bad ass and isn't afraid of anything, or (b)he's too old to give a !@#$, i.e. "Great. More people staring at me. Again."

While taking pictures I discovered something very odd about this turtle that made him look a little bit diabolical. His eyelids were white! First of all, I never thought of turtles blinking before. Second, shouldn't the lids match his face? I don't know the scientific reasoning behind this but it is an oddity indeed. Quite frankly, it made him look possessed.

Grumpy old turtle.

Half blink. Weird, I know. I guess he was keeping an eye on me. Ha. Haha.

Possessed turtle.

I took this from inside the house, hence his bravery at sticking his head way out, which by the way, his head was effing huge! It reminding me of Jabba the Hut.

When I first saw him, he was full on moving across the front yard. After he came in contact with people and we went back inside, he proceeded to sit there and wait. And wait. And wait some more. I guess he was making sure we weren't coming back to bother him? So then he'd move two feet, and wait again. He ended up crawling into our front garden where he spent the rest of the day. We went back outside with Babe later in the afternoon and she'd want to get close to sniff it but we had to keep shouting, "No!" because the curmudgeonly turtle was totally giving her this, "Closer...come a little closer, that's it, look into my eyes, just a little bit closer..." look. I think he wanted to inhale her whole or something. He probably could have done it, too.

I couldn't find him this morning. Hopefully he went on his slow merry way. Although, I have this sense of foreboding that he's probably still in the garden waiting silently to strike.

Green Lynx

So, I get home, get out of the car, walk to the back door, open the screen door and have myself a very good scream. Why? A huge ugly hairy spider I have never seen before in my life was hanging out on the edge of the door. So gross.

It's called a Green Lynx Spider. It likes to live in the plants and live off of insects and will bite a human when threatened. When bitten, the human will feel pain, burning and itching accompanied by swelling of the bite area in a diameter of 7 to 10 inches.

I, of course, only learned all this after I felt compelled to swat the thing on the floor and capture it under a glass vase. What if it had been a brand new spider species never discovered before?! ($$$)
I needed to capture it alive. Though now that I know it's common, I don't know what to do with it. I could kill it but I don't want to hear the crunch, and I could let it go but I don't want it to go make spider spawn that will infest the front garden.

Maybe I'll go put it in Amber's front yard. Muahahaha.

{eye roll}

So, dove hunting season started this week. My brother, K, brought down his 4 year old son, C, for his first hunting trip. My dad, K, and C all went out together for a lovely all morning kill-fest. They all took a break in the middle of the day. In the late afternoon K and C were playing NCAA football on Play Station, dad decided to go out hunting again - by himself. About 30 minutes later K and C head out to join him for round 2 of "kill birds that are life partners". Ten minutes later I get a call from my dad. For brevity d=Dad, k=me. The following is how our conversation transpired:

ring-ring!

k:hello?
d: bring me more shotgun shells
k: i don't know where the shot gun shells are
d: look in the kitchen
k: not there, i think they're in K's truck
d: where's K?
k: i thought he was down there with you
d: oh, damn, there go some more! {that would be doves flying over his head}
d:i need more shot gun shells! i only have a few more!
k: i don't know what to tell you

d: {blah blah blah, ramble ramble}
d: uh-oh
k: what?
d: hang on
{pause}
d: i'm standing next to a rattlesnake

k: what?!!!

d: {shotgun pops going off}

k: dad?!
d: it's ok, it doesn't have a head anymore
k: oh, well that's good

-end of call after more chitchat and assurance that i indeed do not have the shotgun shells-

Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you my father. The man who has the inane talent of getting within life threatening distances of poisonous reptiles. This was round two, by the way. A couple of months ago he stuck his hand within five inches (unknowlingly) of a rattlesnake that was taking a nap in the flower garden. This time he manages to be standing within a couple of feet of one. At least he saw it, at least this snake, too, was napping, and at least he was armed. The snake was about four feet long, and had maybe 15 rattles on it. At least we don't live in India where cobras decide to nap in people's laundry baskets. Gosh.